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Carta al Staff Mexicano

[Nota] Una carta recibida por el Staff de Asuntos Mexicanos de la compañía [/Nota]

[ADVERTENCIA] Este post contiene palabras y expresiones muy muy muy mexicanas (y altisonantes), asi que si eres de naturaleza sensible, ¡advertido estas!😛 [/ADVERTENCIA] 

CARTA DEL DEPARTAMENTO DE LOS U.S. A LOS MEXICANOS

FROM: US DEPT.
TO: ALL MEXICAN STAFF

A VERY IMPORTANT READ

It has been brought to our attention by several officials, that improper language is commonly used by Mexican staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating NAFTA’s spirit, is regarded as highly unprofessional and offensive. Therefore, it is the conviction of the American Administration that everyone concerned should immediately adhere to the following rules:

  1. Words like “carajo”, “chingada” and other such expressions, will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion might be.
  2. You will not say “pendejo” or “la cagas”, when somebody is being reprimanded, or “que pendejada” or “que mamadas son estas” when a major mistake or conflict has risen. All forms derived of the verbs “pendejear”, “mamar” or “cagar” are inappropriate in our environment, for they lead to further confusionand potential disagreement.
  3. No project manager, section head administrator or least Ambassador, under any circumstances will not be referred to as “hijo de su chingada madre”, “hijo de puta”, “cabron” or “ojete”.
  4. Lack of determination will not be referred to as “falta de huevos”, “pinche puto” or “maricon”, nor will persons with lack of initiative be referred as “culero” or “pendejo”.
  5. Unusual creative or original ideas should not be referred to as “pinches jaladas”.
  6. Do not say “como chinga” or “jode” if a person is persistent, or “esta jodido” if a colleague is going through a difficult situation, or his or her country’s position is untenable or ill-conceived. Furthermore, you must not say “que chinga” when matters turn complicated.
  7. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say “vete a la chingada” or “vete al carajo”, not ever substitute “May I Help You” with “que chingados quieres”. When things get tough, an acceptable expression such as ‘We are going through a difficult time’ should be used rather than “esto esta de la chingada”.
  8. A stalemate in negotiations should never be referred to as “esto ya mamo”.
  9. If you make a mistake just say so and not say “ya la cague” or “ya me llevo la chingada” when your authorities get to know about your mistakes.
  10. Under no circumstance should you call our elderly directive partners as “rucos ojetes”.
  11. When in a hurry, never uses expressions such as “andale cabron” or “orale putos”.
  12. The expression “te la pelas” should not be used to discourage someone.
  13. “Nos la pelaron pinches gringos” should not be used to convey the idea of victory in a negotiation.
  14. Body language like the one used by Roque Villanueva, Britney Spears, Thalia or the Ultra Puma Soccer Club is prohibited.
  15. When a problem is not your responsibility, you must not say “no es mi pedo”, for there is not an accurate translation of the expression in our language.
  16. Last but not least, after reading this note please do not say “me voy a limpiar el culo con esto”, just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.

 

THANX

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